A letter written by a Junkie to Zaven

A LETTER WRITTEN BY A JUNKIE TO ZAVEN (OF THE FAMOUS TALK SHOW 'SIRI WINFATAHETT')

Dear Zaven,

I am a crack dealer in Basta who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in the suburb of Beirut (al Dahiyeh) and one of my sisters, who lives in Jounich, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana in their small garden and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Maameltein.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Roumieh for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Trablos Jail on charges of neglecting his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Jiyeh and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Michel Aoun?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

P.S. I received the above by email.