Valet Parking at Beirut Airport

I think Lebanon and Lebanese people have become too obsessed with Valet Parking. Sometimes the Valet dude takes the car and parks it 2 meters away, they don't even let you park it yourself in some restaurants, they confiscate all parking sports by placing these yellow thingies, either you have to go park it back in your house or give it to them.

Mooreover, some Lebanese people have gotten too lazy (including me) to try to park it a bit far. Even the smallest and most modest restaurants have Valet Parking. What's next? Hospitals? Gyms?

Lebanese Flashmobbers sleep on the streets

Once again, the Lebanese Flashmobbers hit the street of Beirut on Saturday July 19th with a new and different action, this time they gathered in Ain El Mreisseh - Beirut, and slept on the floor for 5 minutes. Many were creative enought to come in PJs, sleep in sleeping bags, bring pillows, suck on their thumbs, and even bring alam clocks!

Click on the images to view them in larger size.

Dialog in Qatar and Berri in Pyjamas

Apparently, it's not going well. All I saw yesterday on the news was that Berri was in the Qatari tradiotional outfit, known as "Dishdesheh", I think. But that's not all, he was also wearing slippers. I am thinking he feels more comfortable in Qatar. Hopefully, others will join him, and they all stay there.

We are back to square zero, because even if both factions, the opposition and pro-government have agreed on a president, General Michel Suleiman, they still disagree on the electoral law that will be used in the next parliamentary elections. How will Beirut's district be divided? For those who don't know, it is a simple matter of math, each faction is giving the division that it will win for it more seats at the parliament. I have no idea, how they can actually find a solution for that. I am sure no faction will sacrifice for the other, because after all, it is not Lebanon that it matters for them, it apparently is their own benefits.



Today, an organization named KHALAS organized a gathering along the road of the airport to call for the leaders not to come back in case they don't agree. Talk about improbable things.

Not wanting to sound pessimistic, yet it seems like the day the opposition and the government agree will be when we won't have a Global Warming problem. At least there is hope.

Now is the time

Quoting my brother: "Now is the time to close the airport" *


*All leaders are in Qatar

Merry Christmas from our Leaders (Funny)

Turn your speakers on. And click on below image to open the greeting card from Grey.

Lebanon vs Fatah Al Islam

Is it frustration? Is it oppression? Is it simply giving up that made all those Lebanese people stop moping around and start making jokes about the situation? This behavior is no stranger among the people in Lebanon, making fun of the situation is a must, tragic may be or fun.

During the civil war back in the eighties, thousands of sectarian jokes erupted about Tony and Mohammed, about checkpoints, soldiers and passers by, even for the most recent war that was between Hezbollah and Israel during last summer, many jokes resulted about Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, Israelis, the large number of fleeing Shiite from the South and much more. Since last war resulted in so much destruction, one joke said that Lebanese mature female generation were so happy from Nasrallah's deed, because he made them feel 20 years younger (due to so much destruction in July 2006's war, it made Lebanon look the same as when it was during the civil war 1975 - 1990).

The Lebanese cope with the situation with mockery. By trying to make it look ridiculous, the next Lebanese average person who faces daily fear of a new war, of horrible economy, of daily threat of death by a bomb, of the possibility of a job loss, of frustration to get a work visa for abroad, this person survives the day.

Most recently, and due to the fact that Fatah Al Islam who went into clashes with the Lebanese troop on Sunday 20 of May at 2 am in the morning, which lasted for 3 days, and according to the local media has returned to shootigns tonight , this "terrorist" group has threatened over and over again that they will expand their terrorism to outside Tripoli's Nahr Al Bared camp and reach Beirut. Rumors erupted that bombs were planted everywhere waiting to explode.

A group on facebook started a long line of Fatah Al Islam jokes which are based on the fact that Fatah Al Islam keeps declaring statements, threats and responsibilities. Here are a few selection of these jokes:

"Statement from Fatah Al Islam: A tank with a license plate #32453 is blocking a Honda Civic in the parking, if the owner can please come and remove it. Thank you"

"Fatah Al Islam takes responsibility of stealing Jhonnie Walker from the Whiskey Bottle"

"Fatah Al Islam declared alliance and support to the Lebanese Army in their war on terror against Fatah Al Islam"

"Statement from Fatah Al Islam: We were only joking, gosh the Lebanese Army can't take a joke"

"The terrorist group Fatah Al Islam will be featured in the next Southpark episode titled: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED SHAKER"

To understand the jokes well, the reader needs to be following up closely with this situation.

Aoun vs Geagea. Who`s going back where?

X is returning (in arabic X raje3) has originally started being written on walls after Aoun left Lebanon in 1990 and lived in exile in france for over a decade. His supporters wrote this graffity on walls saying that Aoun is returning (to Lebanon from France).

A joke spread among the Lebanese after Aoun returned in 2005, saying that in France people started writing the same graffiti "Aoun is returning" (to france). If you're Lebanese, you will probably won't find it funny.

Anyway lately, the below photo (photoshopped of course) was shared and forwaded in emails as a joke. The place in the photo is Deir El Salib hospital, an asylum for emotionally and mentally troubled individuals, located in Zalka. On the whiteboard, it is written "Aoun is returning" (to the asylum) as rumors say that Aoun spent two years in it. So people are basically making fun of him.


Counter to this, another photoshopped picture has been spreading, which is the below, a prison room, with a graffiti written on the wall saying that "Geagea is returning" (to prison). As Geagea spent 11 years in jail and was set free in 2005 after the many events including Hariri's assassination in February, and Aoun's return in May.



So yes, this is what us Lebanese spend our time doing. Photoshopping pictures, opposition against pro-gov and pro-gov against opposition.

Wouldn`t you want to say this to our politicians?

How do you know you are Lebanese? Part I

Do you have the flu? Because if you don't then you are not Lebanese!

Jokes about the current situation in Lebanon

Joke 1:
Q: Why is Michel Aoun compared to a prepaid cellphone?
A: Because everytime he speaks, he loses "unité".

Joke 2:
Michel Aoun and Samir Geagea enter an asylum. The psychiatrist in charge asks Geagea who he is.
Geagea replies: “Jesus of course”.
The puzzled director then asks Aoun the same question. Aoun says: “First let me start by saying that Geagea is a liar. I barely know him and he is definitely not my son.”

p.s. If you got some more jokes about anyone, please post in the comments section.

A letter written by a Junkie to Zaven

A LETTER WRITTEN BY A JUNKIE TO ZAVEN (OF THE FAMOUS TALK SHOW 'SIRI WINFATAHETT')

Dear Zaven,

I am a crack dealer in Basta who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in the suburb of Beirut (al Dahiyeh) and one of my sisters, who lives in Jounich, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana in their small garden and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Maameltein.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Roumieh for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Trablos Jail on charges of neglecting his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Jiyeh and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Michel Aoun?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

P.S. I received the above by email.

Saddam has escaped!?!? on a tin-tin bike?

Ride Soussou Ride!!!
(Animated image received by email, no source specified)

Photshop Error on BUSH

Click to see image in larger size.

Israel's surgical precision

Watch this video, very sarcastic and funny. John Stuart from the Daily show.
(The first couple of seconds are blurry, then things catch up. If it cuts in the middle, please try again later)